


Celestial Encounters

by akgerhardt



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Aphrodisiac/Ecstasy Alien, Body Worship, Cardiophilia, Consecutive/Multiple Orgasms, Consentacles, Endosoma/Soft Safe Nonfatal, Enthusiastic Consent, In space no one can hear you have weird sex, Incubation, M/M, Medical Kink, Object Swallowing, Oral Fixation, Overstimulation, Possession/Mind Sharing, Praise and Fluff/Comfort, Sci-Fi but chock full of vanilla kinks, Soul Fusion, Symbiote/Symbiotic Relationship, Telepathy, Xeno Shapeshifting, technically angel vore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-10
Updated: 2019-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-13 16:50:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20585816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/akgerhardt/pseuds/akgerhardt
Summary: “Whoah, whoah. That’s an unfair assumption. For all you know, I could have been attacked by a facehugger and lost my memory while you were preoccupied with the other angels. Maybe that was their plan.…Fine, I vored mine. Big fucking deal. Are you done poking me yet?”





	1. Chapter 1

His name is Dirk Strider, and he failed.

He had many missions, the main being “keep the crew safe and don't fuck anything up.” Somehow, this… thing went undetected by all of the ship's equipment. No one knows what it is, but it can't be part of the discovered universe- a cosmic rift, perhaps. The radar would have identified it solar systems ago if it was a black hole, and they never would have ended up in this situation. They weren’t prepared, and now they’re bracing for imminent disaster.

It’s like something straight out of a movie. He’s trying in vain to keep calm, barking orders to people who are far more competent at their jobs. The ship stopped working altogether, with no noticeable cause. The backup generator won't kick in because nothing is responding. The equipment appears unscathed- not a single spark or disconnected wire.

His ship is perfectly fine, yet inoperable. It might have something to do with the physics-defying manner in which it's being pulled through that aforementioned energy funnel. He’d guess devices malfunction similarly in the goddamn Bermuda Triangle.

The crew seeks his guidance, but he has nothing without logistics. He’s a tactician, adept at making choices, controlling the situation. (At least, that's what he tells himself.) But emotionally? He’s no leader. He decides to consult the void of space and leaves Roxy in charge, like usual.

It’s hard to even get to his quarters in this blackout darkness, and he probably should have stayed with them. In his defense, he would’ve just been a stick in the mud, completely useless as death approaches. Mostly, though, he doesn’t want them to see him unhinged. A guy needs privacy to hyperventilate, and he wouldn't let himself live it down if the situation was somehow amended after such a display.

The universe is vast but crowded, filled with nothingness and more colors than humanly imaginable. It’s as peaceful as it is filled with entropy. It seems like they’re about to become another catastrophe, but it's not like he mattered in the grand scheme of things. If a ship blows up in the vacuum of space, does it make a sound? Is it even visible to Earth, light years away? Who the fuck cares. He led just about the shittiest expedition imaginable and got his loyal friends hopelessly lost, but at least it's finally coming to an end. He wishes he could help save them, but he has nothing. All he can hope for now is a swift, painless death.

He attempts to watch the stars and planets from his window, gripping the sides with white knuckles and feeling nauseous at the way everything’s spinning around like a defective amusement park ride. He gives up and shuts his eyes, getting into a position protective of his head. The emergency gear is at the other end of the hall, and he’s not going to risk humiliation just to shield himself from inevitable destruction. He’s bracing himself for the worst when it stops. The ship goes still, engulfed by bright light, and he can barely process that before a miniature version of it manifests in front of him.

It’s pulsing, illuminating his quarters. He considers flipping his shit when he realizes it's drawing closer, but he doesn’t think it would accomplish anything. It appears noncorporal and thus immune to his weapons, and he doesn’t want to guide it to his friends, should it be dangerous.

It doesn’t look threatening- weird, but not triggering his survival instincts. He’s actually kind of curious, like a kid contemplating touching a lightbulb. Yeah, no, that's bad. He reaches for his sick laser sword in an attempt to scare it off, but it's too late. The entity is already up in his face in the most literal sense of the word. Panic hits him, hard, but then he’s overwhelmed with a soothing calm and tingly sensations akin to ASMR. He feels good for once, and the only thought that he can muster is the notion that he’s fine and everything will be ok. For better or worse, the light wisps back out, reverting him to normal. It can’t be “light” light, though; it has no visible source and isn't supposed to move fluidly, let alone in a sentient manner. He knows he can think clearly again when his uneasiness returns.

It hovers for a moment as he backs away, then proceeds to take a humanoid form, communicating via telepathy.

“Captain Dirk Strider! I most humbly welcome you to Skaia. Don’t fret; we’ll have this all fixed in a jiffy!”

“... What the fuck were you doing in my brain? Shit, how much did you see?!”

“My deepest apologies; I knew nothing of humanity until then and thus wasn't aware that I was intruding. Rest assured that whatever information I gathered shall remain confidential.”

“No one's… ever… managed to get through to the “real” me, so to speak. You probably got a peep of my naked insecurities, darkest secrets, and whatever the fuck else... Ugh, I don't want to think about it. Don't read my mind anymore.”

“Ay ay, Captain! Not to worry. Perhaps I can level the field by divulging my own information. I am one of the celestials in this neat little pocket dimension you crashed through. You're quite a long way from home, you know. We will see to it that you have what you need to send you on your merry way.”

“Thanks, really. Do you guys have names?”

“Not in the sense that you do- just subtle differences that allow us to tell each other apart. We're a bit like a network, a bundle of nerve cells intertwined with one another. We can't survive on our lonesome. What you're viewing is a projected instance of sorts, which, unfortunately, won't last long. Just wanted to stop in and say hi! It's not often that we get visitors.”

“This is incredible… It’s like you learn through osmosis and shapeshift to mirror other species.”

“You could say that! We're quite malleable.”

“So, you changed upon contact?”

“Bingo!”

“... And you somehow manage to thrive in this state without identity issues or an existential crisis.”

“Er. Yes? I think. The problem is, you and I are polar opposite beings with polar opposite noggins, and thus it’s difficult for me to convey these matters to you. I'm not even alive! There are no native organic life forms here, but I'm not sure my kind can be found elsewhere.”

“Sorry for the insensitivity, but if you made first contact with one of my shipmates, would that have made you a different person?”

“Oh, jeez… I feel like I'm trying to teach quantum physics without understanding it myself. I- I don’t know how to explain anything that isn't external, and your software is incompatible with mine, so to speak… Ah, your teammates _are_ having similar encounters at the present, but with celestials other than myself. I imagine that my knowlege of humanity would vary with a different initial host, so, yes, there would be slight discrepancies. 

Anyhoo, once the ship's functions are restored, you can leave. I would so love to experience your homosapien adventures, although it appears physically impossible…”

“Yeah, sorry, but even if you could keep existing outside, our homebase is xenophobic in the most literal sense of the word. We're not allowed to let extraterrestrials join the crew- it's fucking stupid. I'd bring you along if I could.”

“... I see. Well, may I bid you farewell with a parting gift? It’s our custom.”

“Shit, that's generous. You guys have already done more than we ever hoped for.”

“Oh, but that’s just our nature! I think you'll rather enjoy it, as it's designed with your needs and wants in _mind_.”

He makes air quotation marks, and Dirk laughs embarrassedly.

“In an attempt to avoid miscommunication, let’s hash this out in excessive detail. You should know that humans’ subconscious desires are not necessarily things they want. You probably gathered this, but we're an ass-backwards, dumpster fire of a species.

… What I'm trying to say is “Please don't give me a bodybuilding horse man.” I'm, like, ninety-seven percent certain that fantasy is better than reality.”

He giggle-snorts.

“Not to worry- I understand all of that now. No, this is something beneficial. It’s a duplication of my essence! Since, you know, the version you are witnessing will expire before the revival of your ship. You can keep this one, and it will ensure that you never have to feel alone or despair again! 

… In short, I intend to fill your heart with hope. Does that sound alright with you?”

“Eh, sure. I've done way weirder.”

...

“May I have the privilege of planting one on your handsome mug?”

Dirk leans forward to initiate it himself. Unsurprising, his fingers phase past the entity, but he kisses back tangibly, slow and sweet. Fuck, he's getting way too attached to this sentimental star spirit, and he doesn’t want to lose him so soon after meeting... He focuses on the sunshiny feeling flooding him until he loses composure, parting less for air than to grapple with the overwhelming sensations.

“That, ah, that wasn’t the gift. Sorry, heheh. This is!”

An orb of light manifests between his pointer finger and thumb.

“Your subconscious indicated that the best way to receive it is to take it like a pill.”

“Of fucking course it's vore,” he chuckles bemusedly.

He opens his mouth for him, still full of butterflies from those ethereal lips against his. He places it on his tongue, and Dirk plays with it for a bit, savoring its indistinguishably satisfying sensory output before swallowing. It seems to get lodged as it stretches his throat, but it slips further down with subsequent gulps. The entity traces the lump as it progresses, fingertips phasing under his skin to help it along. Dirk gave up trying to hide how turned on he is at the moment he touched him. Once it's freed into its new home, he takes a deep breath, shivering. He’s rewarded with gentle rubs and a kiss on his tummy. He moans softly, and the entity just continues to swirl around him in a ghostly ferret manner.

“You certainly do have a thing for swallowing,” he chortles against the crook of his neck. He’s not wrong, and all of this affection is getting to him. There’s a lot of things he wants to do, all of which are impossible due to the frustrating lack of time and physicality.

“Fuck off…”

“Yes sir! But, before I go, is there anything else I can provide or assist you with?”

He attempts to pull his thoughts together.

“... A functional warp drive? And my crew, if anyone’s hurt. Getting us out of here would be great.”

“Not to worry; that’s all been taken care of!”

“Oh, shit. Well… thanks. Seriously- you guys saved us.”

“We're happy to help, honest! Now, take care of yourself, won't you?” he murmurs, stroking his cheek.

He nods, managing a genuine smile.

"Just wish you could stay, man..."

"I'll be with you... in here!"

He points to his tummy instead of his heart, and Dirk cracks up. The entity waits for him to recompose himself, grinning. He then leans closer to initiate a tender hug and one last smooch before dissipating, leaving Dirk clinging to air. He straightens self-consciously, resuming his poker face and fixing his hair.

...

“Wait. What exactly did you give me?”

The dude, of course, no longer exists. Dirk glances down with a sigh. He can feel the ball of energy, and it's glowing faintly under his shirt, giving him a really fucking weird boner. He pokes at it a couple times, rolling it around. What in the fresh hell did he get himself into this time? Or, what got into him? Yeah, that's more fitting. Like hell would he ever say corny shit out loud, though. Good thing that specter can't hear his thoughts anymore.

He can't not jerk off, but he makes it fast. Afterwards, he dons a jacket and thick waist belt to cover the light and returns to the bay. Some respectable leader he is.

Roxy has fucking ginormous wings made out of the same stuff, Rose’s eyes are white, and Jane is summoning cyan-hued magic from her palms to heal her injured charges. Everyone else looks normal, though.

...

“Hey. Looks like I missed the party.”

Roxy propels herself across the floor to tacklehug him. She’s unintentionally pressing against the thing with her head, and he can feel it pulsing. He bites back a flustered expression, patting the space between her wings awkwardly.

“Dirk, can you believe it?! We met friggin’ ANGELS!”

“Well, that would explain a lot.”

She releases him, and it fucking wiggles. He takes a moment to recompose himself.

“... You didn't see them?”

“Can't say I did, just the sky going white... So, what happened?”

“It was like a whole buncha fireflies took over the ship and started communing with us. Then kaboom, everything's fixed and they gave us kickass superpowers! Well, some of us. Only a couple curious ones came in to meet us, and outta all the bonds just me, Rosie, and Janes were left with perks. That is, unless there are others bein’ sneaky about it.”

So, they don't bless every host with gifts. Lucky him.

“I'm starting to think they were pretty damn paranormal- organic lifeforms can’t up and break the laws of reality. Those aren’t your run-of-the-mill aliens.”

“I told you, they’re angels! Closest thing to ‘em, at least.”

She turns the ring on her finger, and her wings disappear in one fell swoop, making it light up.

“Right. Is your sis ok?”

“Oh, yeah, that’s just her new look. She’s a seer now! She has foresight aka the ability to project her mind into decision route timelines aka FUTURE VISION!”

“Well, damn. Care to elaborate on your enhancements?”

“Hells yeah! Not only am I cool as shit, but now I’m like a fuckin’ GPS. I know exactly where we are in this interdimensional void and how to get outta it.”

“Sounds sick... So, everything’s ok now? No one’s hurt?”

“Mhmm! Better than ever thanks to Healer Doc Crocker! Woulda been fun to bring some twinkly buddies with us, but da rules are da rules,” she huffs, side-eyeing Jane.

“It’s better to err on the side of caution. Besides, if we manage to get back, you know we’d be fired or worse.”

“Right, good call. Sorry, Rox. Uh, I’m also sorry for running off like that. Due to your repeated demonstrations of unrivaled excellence in addition to your newfound navigational prowess, I’m demoting myself and promoting you to Commander.”

He glances around uncomfortably, realizing that he now has the whole crew's attention.

“Aw, Dirky, you don’t havta. We can co-parent this bitch!”

“Nope; I’ve proven myself unfit for the job. I trust your judgment more than my own, especially in light of recent events.”

It’s impossible for him to ignore the sensation, the faint weight in the pit of his stomach moving ever so slightly. It feels too good... He thinks he's going to have to disband this meeting abruptly to address the issue at hand in-hand again before it becomes visible. Is he stuck with a permanent state of horniness? It’s kind of inconvenient, like someone who accidentally overdosed on Viagra and had lasting side effects. Talk to your erection- no, talk to your doctor if you have an erection… lasting more than four hours. That sounds right, but there’s no way in hell he’d willingly tell Jane.

He’s losing it; he has to stay focused long enough to escape.

...

“If you’re sure… It means a lot, but if ya ever feel up to rejoining, just say the word. Captain Ro-lal won’t letchu down!”

“Never did, never will,” he smiles, practically shaking. He needs to return posthaste.

“If you don’t mind, I’m gonna rest for a bit. Got a wicked migraine.”

“I can fix that!”

“Think I’ll pass, but thanks. Just message me if you require my brand of bullshit.”

“Could I at least take a look at-”

He’s already absconded around the corner, slipping a hand under his belt in desperation and stifling a whine. Fuck, _yes…_

He actually does fall asleep, but not until he comes twice. Thankfully, the horniness abated, and he wakes feeling more satisfied than ever before. He caresses the spot, comfort radiating from it. The whole room has become illuminated, like he vored a goddamn lamp. It’s soothing, though. He’ll deal with the issue of social interactions later. Right now, he’s full of sunshine and warmth and happiness, and that’s all he can be bothered to care about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Featured art by bananavandal!
> 
> (Captain and Commander are interchangeable because space military nomenclature isn’t a thing yet shh)


	2. Chapter 2

It’s been the best fucking day by Dirk’s standards, but it’s past time to address his need for sustenance. He rubs the bump in his tummy tenderly, and it brightens.

“... Hey. Hope you’re doin’ ok. I hate to boot you, but, being a gross human, I have to put food in there to refuel my energy reserve. Can't physically do that when you're filling it up, but I wouldn't subject you to it regardless, because again: nasty. And, yeah... If the deafening growls weren’t indication enough, I need to eat. Nothing personal.”

There’s no response, and he feels kind of stupid, like he’s talking to himself. After a moment, it shifts and squishes against his internal walls. He can barely process the sensation before it begins to be absorbed into the lining, flowing through his vessels.

… Great, now he’s glowing all over. He’s gonna need a lot of clothes- gloves, the works. He goes to open his closet, but just touching the door is electrifying.

“Ah! D- Dude… Listen, this whole sex-nerve-projection or whatever the fuck is amazing, but there's a time and place. Any way you can turn it, uh, turn me off?”

…

He probably has to be more specific.

“I don’t want a boner right now.”

The message is received, and he sighs in relief. Damn, chivalry isn't dead.

“Thanks. Don’t get me wrong; I fucking love this arrangement- you treat me way too well.

... At the risk of being an over-demanding dick, is it possible to dim your glow? You don’t have to completely shut it off; makes a good nightlight, but once we’re outside, it'd be best to hide it altogether. I'm sorry, man; it’s really nice.”

He loses his magic aura, but then his tactile receptors simulate a reassuring hug. Shit, he didn't know he could do that. Guess this was just the beginning.

He strokes the affected skin, then hesitates before wrapping his arms around himself in an attempt to reciprocate. If anyone saw him, he would die right then and there. Maybe his lack of shame with this guy is related to the fact that he'll keep confidentiality, he’s a noncorporal alien, and/or he likely already knows everything about him and doesn't care. He gives himself a hug like it's no one's business, and he can almost feel his heart warm, fluttering. So, they're sharing a body now? Sickeningly sweet and kinky as hell.

“Thank you,” he murmurs.

He sneaks out to the kitchen, proceeding to make a bigass burrito with chili-flavored Doritos. In his defense, he hasn't eaten all day and he probably burned calories from the copious jacking.

The entity seems to have gone dormant for the time being, leaving him ridiculously normal. Phew. He forgot how lame that was.

Naturally, Jane barges in on him. He glances up, surreptitiously licking a splotch of hot sauce off the corner of his mouth. She slides the plate over on the counter and sits between him and it. He’s crestfallen, but attempts to mask it.

“Sup?”

“Glad to see you're feeling better. You scampered off in quite a hurry back there.”

“Yep.

…

So, your angel powers. What’s the deal with them?”

“Oh! They’re quite simple, really. It's a mental channel I activate to-”

He’s trying to pay attention, but he’s also fucking starving. His burrito is just out of reach, and he only got one bite, dammit. That was plain rude.

Soon, Roxy joins them, chatting excitedly. He can't stop thinking about its delicious aroma, savory taste, rapidly cooling tortilla… He wishes he could will it over.

Jane asks him something, snapping him out of his trance. He opens his mouth to fabricate some bs, pretend he was listening, but, as soon as he does, a fucking ghost tentacle darts out. They lose their shit, and it just wraps around the burrito, pulling it to him like a chameleon tongue. He takes his time chewing to stall for a response. Well, that was a successful eight hours of going undetected.

Roxy’s wrestling Jane back down to prevent her from summoning medics, attempting to keep a straight face.

“Just let him explain! Look, he's fine.”

“Fine?! FINE?!”

He clears his throat, and they stare at him.

“... I, uh. I have a parasite.”

The reference goes over their heads. Jane proceeds to examine him while he sits there like a deer in headlights. He just wanted to eat his burrito in peace...

“Dirk,” she smiles terrifyingly. “Why is there an angel inside of you?”

“Obvs because he found one to vore. It’s Dirk; what d’ya expect?”

“Whoah, whoah. That’s an unfair assumption. For all you know, I could have been attacked by a facehugger and lost my memory while you were preoccupied with the other angels. Maybe that was their plan.

…

Fine, I vored mine. Big fucking deal. Are you done poking me yet?”

“Do you have ANY idea how many health code violations you've committed?! You'd be placed in isolation and used as a test subject by the government if they knew! We need to get it out of you, now!”

“What? No.”

Jane glares, attempting to force him upright. He remains unmoving. Locking eyes with her, he picks up his burrito and takes another bite. His face is expressionless but unapologetic, and they just stare each other down as he slowly finishes it. 

“... You want him, you'll have to get through me.”

Roxy’s still laughing her ass off in silence behind Jane.

“That’s- I'm not trying to hurt it, and you know that. I doubt I could, even if I wanted to! The point is, you must be separated for your own wellbeing.”

“Ok, that's actually kind of hilarious. This is the happiest I've been all my life, and he’s not dangerous, for fuck’s sake.”

“Your opinion doesn’t matter; I'm responsible for your safety. It could be controlling your mind as you speak!”

“Nope. You'll remove him over my cold, decapitated body.”

“Oh, for chrissake! Not this again...”

...

“Jane.”

“What?”

“You straight-up fused with one and took its totally harmless, innocent gift. If you legit had concerns, you woulda said somethin’ from the get-go.”

“That’s- That’s not relevant. I accepted her offering, and then she left! I didn't smuggle her away for heaven knows what!”

“Well, I did. And so did Rosie.”

Dirk is surprised, to say the least. Jane looks about ready to have an aneurysm. 

“Don’t get your panties in a twist! Everyone's ok; just chill... For the record, I didn’t fuckin’ vore mine.”

He smirks, looking away. Jane sighs heavily, picking up the burrito wrapper to shred it into pieces. They wait until she externalizes all of her frustration.

...

“How are you bonded to her, then?”

Roxy waves her hand in her face with a grin, ring flashing.

“... So, you’re not-”

“Not doin’ whatever kinda freaky shit you are.”

“What about Rose?”

“That’s none a’ my business or yours. C’mon, relax… Literally nothin’ bad can come from ‘em. They’re beans of pure benevolence.”

She sighs even deeper, burying her head in her hands.

“Fine, then. Inspire another sequel to _Alien_ for all I care.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn’t watch Venom because I can’t handle anything even remotely scary, but I love the concept and memes


	3. Chapter 3

The entity withdrew altogether and retreated during that ordeal. He can’t even sense him anymore, and he’s beginning to worry that he’s actually gone.

He does his fitness routine, showers, and then returns to the privacy of his room, gathering the courage to speak.

“Hey, uh. You still in there? Sorry about earlier.”

His voice seems to summon him, and his presence gradually intensifies and then retracts, concentrating back in his now-empty stomach. The soft glow returns, reassuring him like a lantern in the dark. He can’t help but smile, rubbing the spot once again.

“... You like it too, huh? Kinky bastard.”

The entity wiggles in response, and Dirk chuckles at the ticklish sensation. He strokes him, falling into a rhythm with his pulsing until sleep claims them.

He’s not sure if he’s imagining things, but the entity seems to be getting stronger. He feels more prominent now, at least when he’s palpable. Jane catches a glimpse at the slight bulge and barely-visible squirming, proceeding to haul Dirk off to her office despite his protests.

“Jane, I’m _fine_.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

She attaches several monitors, then instructs him to lay down and lift his shirt. The entity tries to dissipate, but she somehow manages to use her power to draw him back into the organ. He struggles to escape as she pokes and prods, giving Dirk a bad case of the hiccups. 

“Deep breath in... Hold it... Now, exhale.”

...

“This is highly unnecessary, and getting more awkward by the minute. You aren’t- Seriously?”

"Drink this, then stay still and stop talking."

He sighs, exasperated, then chugs the liquid. She presses her cross-sectional viewer against different parts of his abdomen, then secures it in place and projects the live feed atop his skin. The last time she used it was to treat his ulcers.

As if that wasn't enough, she attaches a couple microphone stickers to listen to his various internal sounds. His tummy is the loudest, making sloshy water noises that correspond with the movements. He’s simultaneously annoyed, embarrassed, and mildly turned on. Part of him wants to dick around with the equipment to examine the entity in private.

“I told you, there's nothing... Whoah. That’s… wild.”

He watches the swirling light in mesmerized fascination as she observes his organs and runs numerous tests, touching it whenever her back’s turned and watching it react like a fish in a bowl. It’s all shimmery and sparkling, looking way more magical and enthralling than it did before. The entity was subdued by whatever she did to him, but he can still feel his fear. He tries to give off calming vibes, complying with the sensory and reflex demonstrations to speed it along.

“... Alright, I apologize. You appear to be in perfect health, and it’s not causing any damage or interfering with your biological functions. Even your digestive system is unaffected… You were right. It doesn’t seem dangerous after all, and I'm sorry for meddling.”

"To be fair, I have a bad track record."

He’s almost disappointed when she removes the devices and releases the entity, but then he’s rushing through him, not unlike someone who was pushing at a door with full force just for it to disappear. Dirk falls back onto the examining table, encompassed by a great flash of light. She yells his name, rushing to his side.

He’s unconscious, then disoriented. He opens his eyes, which are now glowing solid white like he entered the goddamn avatar state. Slowly, he looks down at himself.

“Aah!!!”

“Dirk! Dirk, what happened?”

He springs up, unsteady on his feet but in a hurry to distance himself from her, holding his hands out in defense.

“No, no! Begone, foul villain! You- You used… some pretty dastardly doohickeys on us, and that was rather unkind if I do say so myself!”

“... Uh.”

She screams, and Dirk blinks, stopping. He just kinda stands there until Jane spritzes him with a bottle of disinfectant.

“Hey, what the fuck?”

“Stop possessing my friend!”

“Get away from him, cruel mistress! There will be no more poking from you.

… I'm terribly sorry, Dirk. I don’t know how to remedy our current conundrum.”

He gasps, placing a hand on his chest. The other seems to take a mind of its own, placing itself on his shoulder in a comforting gesture. He tenses.

“Easy, easy; you’re alright. No thanks to _her.”_

“Me?!”

“No, the other lady who tampered with things she had no business touching! Why couldn't you just let him be happy?!”

“Hey. So, this is beyond fucked up, and I think it's safe to say that we're all freaked out... Can we just chill before something worse happens?”

…

“Look at us, we're like an estranged couple arguing over custody rights... I think Dirk would benefit from not going into shock, don't you?”

She nods reluctantly.

“You spewed quite the heap of horsefeathers about me, but I'm not one to hold grudges.”

“... Why, I ought to-”

_ “Guys.”_

“Sorry! Right, just relax and ah- I. I’ve got this. It’ll be fine!”

He walks like a baby giraffe taking their first steps, Dirk directing him to the lounge in a daze. Inch by inch, he lowers him until he's reclining on the couch. Dirk takes a shaky breath, heart still racing. Jane returns from retrieving two pairs of sunglasses and a thick blanket, proceeding to activate the video player.

“You need a distraction.”

“Holy smokes, a real movie!!!”

“Borrowing my vocal chords is not helping.”

Somehow, Dirk manages to “fall asleep” in his subconscious, while the entity remains absorbed in the action on screen. His breath evens out, and his heartrate returns to normal. The entity pauses during a lull to cup his cheek, caressing it gently and tucking a stray lock of hair behind his ear. He then intertwines his hands, stroking them in a similar manner as he turns his attention back to the plot. He notices that Jane’s been staring at him.

“... What? Do humans not display affection while watching flicks together?” he whispers.

“Yes, but… Nevermind,” she sighs. “I'm sorry. It’s clear that your intentions are pure.”

“All is forgiven! I understand the biases your species holds against others- you can’t help that your noggins are faulty meatballs.”

She giggles quietly. He selects the next movie and decides to adopt the moniker of the protagonist by the end. Dirk awakens to this jubilant announcement and has to calm himself down all over again, but then they're able to talk, taking turns.

“Just sayin’, there are way cooler people to name yourself after. You want to be associated with a blue space furry?”

Jake ignores him cheerfully.

“As to the matter of, well-”

He gestures to Dirk as a whole.

“I believe this is the equivalent of a bruise. He just needs to rest and recuperate, and then we should be back in control of our states.”

“What exactly do I have control over?”

“Yourself, of course! And my abilities, should we work up to that point. This is a fumbled glimpse at our true potential, Dirk. You’ll be a beacon of hope!”

“I hope you don't mean that in the literal sense, because I'll go fucking blind if I get any brighter.”

Jake laughs, patting his shoulder.

“Not reassuring.”

“Hope is a funny thing. Once you've mastered it, you can bend reality itself to your will!”

His eyes widen. Jane squeaks.

“... That's just about the most terrifying concept imaginable.”

“Oh, no, Dirk, please. Don’t fret; if you don’t want to do it, then don't! It's really that simple. The last thing we need is you working yourself up in a tizzy! I think retiring early tonight might behoove you.”

He nods weakly, parting ways with Jane and heading off. He lets Jake help him to bed, and, with difficulty, they manage to shut off the glow. The gentle, soothing touches lull him to sleep, and the next day is spent alone with him.

“Are you faring any better than this morning?”

“Kinda... Wait, so you can't read my mind like this?”

“Er, I probably could in any state- I just don't want to overstep. You established boundaries from the get-go, and I've got to respect them!”

…

“Well, thanks… That was pretty damn considerate. You can come back in, at least for the sake of having mental conversations. I want to give it another try.”

“Are you certain?”

“Yeah. I’d prefer to hear your real voice again.”

He resettles, and Dirk sighs blissfully. It feels even nicer than he remembered, probably because he understands what's going on now. It’s a flood of pure heaven that sweeps him up, and-

“I think I love you, Jake.”

“You know I love you!” he chirps back, not missing a beat. Dirk smiles like an idiot.

“You’re beautiful inside _and _out.”

“You just had to add that,” he chuckles bemusedly.

“Yeppers!”

They fall into content silence. Dirk gets bored and starts tracing his abs and chest teasingly, then plays with his happy trail. His other hand moves on its own accord, gripping his thigh in an attempt to maintain composure. He hasn't gotten used to Jake maneuvering his body, and probably never will. He realizes that he likes it that way.

“... Wanna get weird?” 


	4. Chapter 4

“The human meat machine is… certainly an experience,” he laughs breathily. Somehow, he manages to convey every tone and mannerism from the comfort of Dirk’s mind. He just hums in agreement.

“... Could I try something?”

“Wh’ kinda somethin’? ‘Cause I'm nutted out; gotta recharge.”

“Not _that _kind of something, heheh... I've pulled together bits and pieces from your lifelong observations of humans, in the same way that I fashioned my voice. I didn't want to startle you by suddenly poofing into existence, but-”

“Hell yes. I want to see you.”

“If you're certain…”

He materializes behind Dirk’s eyelids, somehow managing to look even dorkier than he sounds. He’s just laying next to him in the empty side of his bed, smiling shyly. The details, coupled with Dirk’s lack of visual imagination, are unnerving. He quickly checks the identical real-life scene before him. The only difference, of course, is the absence of Jake. He closes his eyes again, and, shit, he probably thinks there's something wrong with him.

“No, it’s fine! I think this shebang would rattle most people…”

Right, he can read his thoughts.

“With all due respect, you’re fucking adorable.”

“... I, heh, thanks. I was aiming for the epitome of handsomeness, but, considering how you don't desire the ideals that you project through fantasy-”

“Dude, you’re totally smokin’- I'm just happy to associate you with a face now. I want you to be true to yourself if you have preferences... I mean, since this version of you was anthropomorphized and decided to pick a name. Dunno if you're becoming human, but-”

“Oh! I'm still very much the same being. I suppose it’s akin to customizing a character in a video game. It’s fun, really! Are you sure you’re content with the appearance I chose?”

Dirk takes a moment to fully appreciate him. He’s a scrawny, short, bucktoothed wonder with a mess of bedhead. He meets his eyes with pure fondness, reaching over to pet his fluffy hair.

“You’re perfect.”

He's visibly flattered, but curls into his chest embarrassedly in an attempt to hide it.

...

“And you call me corny.”

“I can’t imagine a better symbiotic nerd.”

He buries his face in his tiddy, and Dirk smiles to himself, rubbing his back. What a fucking blessing- now he can see, hear, feel, touch, _and _speak to him entirely in his head. It’s like mental VR, but sixty-nine times better and real.

“Er, sorry for intruding, but may I inquire as to the meaning of Vee Are?"

"Interactive simulations that engage your senses- they have nothing on this," he chuckles.

"Ah.

...

You’re quite endearing yourself, you know. And your… organicness, it’s, ah, lively, heheh! I don’t think it’s a secret that I love you _and _your body. I’ve never enjoyed existence more than I am now, with you.”

“Think you mean “in you,” but the feeling’s mutual.”

“... Would you say that I reside in your sentiments, as well?”

“Yes?”

“Then it's true! The way to a man's heart _is _through his stomach.”

“Oh my god,” he snorts.

...

“We're closer than regular couples could ever hope to be!”

_ “Jake.”_

They continue with the affectionate malarkey until they succumb to sleep together.

Day and night are not observable in the cosmic abyss, but Dirk always had a backwards schedule. It wasn't uncommon for him to pass out for a couple hours and then stay up past dawn, so that's what he's been doing. Rays of sun seem to shine into him this morning, and he stirs, making a sleepy noise. A light warmth settles atop him, and he wraps his arms around it with a content sigh as it snuggles closer. It feels right, and he doesn't question its existence until he's fully coherent. He opens one eye, then both, wide, stifling his surprise in an attempt not to wake him.

They’re still connected; he can sense that much. Somehow, he’s reacquired his initial humanoid form, all dazzling and otherworldly but now detailed with the image he created. Dirk tightens his hold, afraid that he'll disappear again if he isn’t careful.

His efforts to avoid disrupting his rest are in vain- Jake detects his drastic emotional changes and soon blinks up at him. Shit, he’s even more precious like this.

“Hey,” he murmurs, cupping the side of his face and stroking his cheek with a shaky thumb.

“... Everything copacetic?” he slurs.

“You’re here, in the ghostly flesh. Couldn't be better.”

The Jake machine is slowly restarting. Does he need sleep, or did he adopt the habit to mirror Dirk? Whatever the cause, he finishes buffering and gapes.

“Egads, so I am!!! I must have borrowed from your energy reserve, or… something of the sort.”

Dirk is still wondering why he adopted such a quirky vocabulary, but he doesn’t care enough to question it or their newest developments. Can’t look a gift horse in the mouth, after all. Jake recovers from his shock and wastes no time in smooching him tangibly. He reciprocates with passion, threading his fingers through his hair as Jake deepens the kiss. Everything about him is intoxicating in the best way. He takes him in eagerly, coming undone as the good vibes flood every fiber of his being. He squirms and clutches fistfuls of sheet as Jake trails his hands down his torso, then parts to cover his jaw to collarbones with gentle nips and sucks. Fuck, he's so warm and solid against him… He’s making a goddamn erotic symphony, and he'd be mortified if he wasn't so horny and driven by need. He tilts his head back, whining at Jake's soft caresses.

“Pl- Please,” he whimpers.

“Hm?”

He bites his lip, and Jake glances up from his abdomen. He takes a slow, deep breath and forces himself to use words instead of pulling him back down.

“... Want you.”

“How so?”

He's either teasing or genuinely oblivious to his kinky desires... Maybe he was just being polite by not snooping around in his subconscious. Dirk shuts his eyes embarrassedly, trying to convey a coherent message via whatever the fuck kind of soul tether bonds them.

“... Oh. I- Ok. That was a rather complex image, but I'll do my best! I know I'd likely be able to tell if you had second thoughts, but please keep me in the loop regardless.”

“Will do, and... thanks. Only what you're comfortable with, though.”

He nods with a determined smirk. Shit, that's another good look on him, albeit uncharacteristic. It’s the kind of expression that he thinks is reserved for moments like these, and it makes him want to lose control and give himself entirely to this celestial spirit. He arches his back slightly as he resumes his touches, incapable of keeping it in his pants. Jake just chortles, sliding his hand lower to palm at his crotch. He keens.

Jake holds his gaze with those glowing white eyes, and it almost distracts him from the swirling tendrils of energy that manifest. He… showed him hentai imagery. That was what he wanted above all else? Goddamn... At least he didn’t ask to yiff.

They undress him, then pin his legs and hips. The next group makes quick work of stimulating every sensitive external area, gently building him up as the others play with his dick. He’s so overwhelmed with pleasure that he moans outright when a thin one presses into the head, carefully extending to the base. He didn't realize he wanted that, and he responds with copious vocal encouragement. A sweet-tasting tendril slips into his mouth, and he sucks it further back, swallowing around it to work it down. So good, so right, so fucked…

The next free one (they seem to be spawning at his discretion) is slick and wet, and he grips his shoulders as he teases him open.

“You’re doing wonderfully, love… Quite the sight to behold,” he murmurs, voice husky. The one in his dick slowly retracts when he senses his overstimulation. He comes as soon as it's gone, surrounding tendrils getting every last spasm out as the others continue their ministrations. He’s by no means finished, though. It's probably the magic, but he’s become adept at going multiple rounds. He catches his breath as the two internal ones wind all the way through him, and then he feels them reach his tummy simultaneously, entwining inside. He can see them under his skin, spanning his body- bright, wiggling bulges that make him weak. Thankfully, the one in his mouth is only semi-tangible until it's past his throat, allowing him to speak (and breathe).

“F- Fuck… Jake-”

“Shh, it's alright. I've got you.”

He presses kisses to the most prominent areas and begins to jerk him off, praising him and rubbing against his prostate while pumping his cock with a wet, ecstasy-laden palm. Just when he thinks it can't possibly feel better, Jake projects into his mind and creates some kind of dual consciousness, simultaneously fucking him in all of his humanness as he pushes him past the brink over and over.

He’s spent and satisfied from the mind-and-body fucking when he reaches his last climax, physically exhausted. He collapses, chest heaving. Jake kisses him once more, lightly, as the tendrils dissipate, leaving him half-full of his glowy essence. He cuddles up to him, laying his head on his chest to listen to his heart race but minding the oversensitivity. Dirk drapes an arm over him weakly, and they just lay there until he falls asleep again, beyond content but too tired to talk aside from mumbling an "I love you," which is reciprocated.


	5. Chapter 5

“... So.”

“Hm?”

“At some point, I’m going to have to rejoin cruel reality.”

“And you will. I won’t stop you!”

“But… you’re…”

He blinks, perplexed.

“Nevermind. Uh, wanna meet Roxy first? She’s a good starting point.”

“... You’re concerned about me trailing after you or otherwise drawing attention? That’s justifiable, heheh. We’ll get the hang of this, but just know that I can disappear at your discretion! I can even, ah, take a snooze in your subconscious, so to speak, if you desire space or privacy. You could reactivate me through pure willpower or a cool catchphrase, like you do with your smart tech.”

“So, I could just say your name, and it would bring you back?”

Jake nods excitedly.

“Fucking incredible,” he laughs.

“I aim to please.”

Dirk slept for a solid twelve hours after their latest “experiment,” but he’s fully recovered now. After showering and getting dressed, he assists Jake in the selection of virtual clothing to introduce himself to other people. He couldn’t talk him out of microshorts, but he keeps it classy with a bowtie. It’s all glowy golden-white, of course, the same as his skin and hair. Still, it’s better than nudity. His level of humanness varies depending on the amount of focus he puts into maintaining it at any given moment. Sometimes he’s entirely corporal, and other times, he’s more ethereal, swirly wisps than anything. He’s like a constantly changing array of smoke and sparkles in that state.

He’s very focused on his appearance at the present, hopeful to make a good first impression. It’s too late for Jane, but Dirk knows Roxy will be more receptive, anyway.

“What do you think?” he grins, spinning around in the air.

“You’ve been thoroughly anthropomorphized- my condolences. Sure you don’t want real pants?”

“These _are _real pants, thanks much. I daresay they’re flattering.”

“... I mean, yeah.”

He sticks his hand through his nonexistent chest bemusedly, watching his fingers wiggle. He smirks, but then Jake reciprocates the gesture, phasing his own arm through his goddamn torso. Oh, no, it feels like sex again.

“Is… this some sort of ritual I overlooked? More nonverbal language?”

“N… No. I was… just-”

He takes several steps back to end the contact, relieved that Jake stays in place.

“Just fuckin’ around. You’re like a goddamn hologram, dude.”

“Ah, heh...

Execute Order 69!

...

Help me, Obi-Dirk Kenobi! You’re my only hope!”

They snicker like teens making dick jokes, and then they realize Roxy’s standing there, having let herself in during his display.

"... Hah!"

“Shit, I forgot you had the access key.”

“Omg, what a cutie! How couldja hide him from me?”

She doesn’t wait for him to answer, bounding over to say hi.

“The name’s Roxy, but you can call me Rolal if yer funky.”

They shake hands, telepathy seemingly extended when he touches her ring.

“Jake Croft at your service, Madam Captain!”

“So you already know me, huh?”

“Yeah, he’s up to speed with most things around here.”

…

“Ooh, we gotta do one more intro! Dirk, gimme your hand.”

“What? Why?”

She just reaches over to take it. Her ring glows again, and then she moves aside, turning it. In a bright flash, the wings return, then separate from her to form around a pretty girl with short, fluffy hair, squiggly horns, and a snazzy suit. Are all aliens this dapper?

“Greetings! I’m Calliope, or Callie for short. It’s a pleasure to meet you!” she chirps. She has a British accent and a magic wand, but it’s far from the strangest thing about this whole ordeal.

“Damn, Rox, you were hiding a whole-ass fairy. I think we’re even.”

She snorts, and Calliope just blinks.

“Ass… fairy?”

“No, sorry. Uh, the feeling’s mutual; you’re rad as shit.”

She looks a bit concerned now, glancing at Roxy warily.

“... My apologies, but I fear your colloquialisms elude me.”

“Don’t worry, b. He thinks you’re neato!”

Dirk nods, giving an awkward thumbs up. She relaxes, smiling again.

“I see. Thank you Mr. Strider!”

“Dirk’s fine. So, that’s all the introducing that needs to be done? Everyone knows each other through the Science Magic?”

“I believe so! I am glad that I’m not the only stowaway here, heheh.”

“Dirk, you still gotta meet Kanaya, but it might take a while so don’t hold yer breath.”

“She’s with Rose?”

“Mhmm! They’re keepin’ it under wraps, so ta speak... On that note, what the fuck are we gonna do if we go home? Just be super secretive and avoid glowin’ around other people?”

“That was my plan. Kinda prefer to stay out in the abyss of space at this point.”

“Yeah, it’s temptin'… We gotta get back to the rest of our friends, though. And Davey! He’s prolly worried sick.”

A wave of guilt washes over him, and Jake exchanges a questioning look when he senses it. Dirk paints a mental picture- brother, back on Earth, making good decisions, unlike him. He frowns sympathetically.

“Ya know, I don’t think he’d care. Might be a lil freaked out at first, but he digs nice aliens,” she winks.

“... Why the wink?”

“Oh, like you don’t know!”

“Let’s pretend I don’t.”

“Holy shit, ahaha. I thought it was pretty fuckin’ obvious. The 3Below-esque disguise and all.”

…

“Wait...”

“They only tried to tell us half a dozen times,” she giggles.

“Your brother… is in a romantic relationship with another extraterrestrial immigrant?”

He nods, rubbing his brow. It’s kind of hilarious how many hints they dropped, and how the numerous quirky “incidents” piece together in hindsight. “Alternian exchange student” his ass. He knew that wasn’t a real place, at least not on Earth. Dave’s voice echoes in his mind. “He’s outta this world… not from around here, if you catch my drift… crashed into town, needs a hideout…” Probing jokes, late-night ashen skin and crab eye-shaped horns in his silhouette, pointy ears and teeth that he assumed were genetic mutations, getting offended as all hell and going on tirades over sci-fi portrayals… Jesus Christ, he feels like an idiot.

To top it off, Dave straight up told him that he’s an alien, to which Dirk retorted that he shouldn’t be using such a derogatory term. Then Karkat said, “No, I _am _what you nookwhiffs call an alien.” Dirk advised him not to internalize the xenophobia he’s experienced before putting his welding mask back on. _For fuck's sake._

At the least, it will hopefully make them more receptive to the arrangement.


	6. Chapter 6

"This is it, then- the big whammo! ... See you on the other side?" he laughs nervously.

Dirk nods, trying to stay calm.

Before they exit, Jake disappears back inside of him. His breath hitches just a little. He recomposes himself and meets Roxy around the corner.

"Sure you're ready?" she whispers, patting his shoulder. He nods again, lost in thought and lacking the right words.

During their interspecies brainstorming session, they put a concrete plan into place. Roxy would navigate with Calliope, while Dirk would use the sheer intensity of his power to force the ship back through the rift. From there, Rose had informed them that they would be able to fly normally and access the warp drive again. Supposedly, it would be a smooth ride home once they got out.

The only problem was Dirk’s anxiety regarding his newly-acquired, reality-altering hope. He can't fucking trust himself enough to unlock his full potential, fearing the harm that he could cause. Thankfully, he has a very… understanding soul-roommate, who was hesitant to accept control but realized it was their best shot at succeeding. He trusts Jake more than anything, to the point that he'll lend him his whole goddamn body.

They had their quarters to themselves after the other pair left, which allowed them to hash it out properly. Jake was afraid of accidentally hurting or traumatizing him, but he assured him that he'd be fine.

"Just keep me unconscious until it's over, if possible. Thanks."

Now that it's actually time, they're nervous wrecks. Jake told him that a large part of hope relies on belief- belief in yourself, in the specific goal that you're trying to accomplish, in your loved ones, and so forth. The way it adapted to his humanness made it challenging for the both of them, to put it lightly.

After Roxy bestows a good luck hug, Dirk locks the engine room door to avoid spirit bombing or blinding any crew members who might try to walk in. He doesn't even know what he _can _do, but he doesn't want to risk endangering them via exposure. He's also unwilling to reveal himself as the fucking Avatar. If it has to happen, it's going to be a private event. Jake was more than happy to oblige him, as he didn't fancy any ogling, either. It’s just them and the quiet hum of inactive machinery now. 

"You got this, man," he murmurs, closing his eyes. "Believe in the me that believes in you."

…

There's long enough of a pause for Dirk to worry that it's not working, but then everything goes white. Jake opens his eyes in a panic, quickly checking his vitals and then sighing in relief. Dirk’s fine, just snoozing. He really doesn't fancy taking the reins like this, made worse by being alone. Dirk believes that he can handle the situation by himself, but that's a whole lot of trust and responsibility! Organic beings are so vulnerable… Right, time to get down to brass tacks and hurry it along so he can take the backseat again.

_Hope._ Focus, Jake. Just let go and believe.

He does so, but not without difficulty. It's a struggle to harness the energy from their surroundings without causing physical destruction... Jeez Louise, does this corporal form have a funny way of channeling his essence! The gravity around Dirk becomes suspended, and they're soon floating in place. He's become so bright that anyone looking directly at him probably _would _go blind. His power amplifies until it encompasses the entire ship, and then he's wielding it like a remote control. The vessel rises, operable and no longer bound to its surrounding forces. It's a herculean effort to maintain, but Roxy makes quick work of steering them through the rift. Jake can sense once it's free and out of the vortex's range, wasting no time in powering down and returning Dirk to his normal state. He wipes his brow with a shaky exhale, then unfolds his cot and chugs his water, shooting Roxy a text as agreed. Holy shit, was that intense. He thinks it was probably for the best that Dirk didn't share the experience.

He lays down before separating and wisping out, snuggling atop him. After a long rest, Dirk brings his hand to Jake's back, stroking it idly.

"Hey," he smiles, leaning up to place a kiss on his cheek. Dirk makes a sleepy noise, then tries again moments later.

"... Hey."

"How're you faring?"

...

"M' great... Knew you could do it."

"Not without you. You're a hero, Dirk!"

...

"Just occurred to me that if we didn't end up there, we'd still be Lost in Space... Thanks to you guys, we're finally going home."

"I'm friggin' siked! That's where the _real_ adventures are."

He smirks tiredly, pulling him closer.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [sick guitar riff]
> 
> 0 art skills + 5 inch touchscreen app = the only ultidirk that matters

/I didn't realize how well [this song](https://youtu.be/1VQ_3sBZEm0) fit until after it was written lmao


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's hard making whimsical doodles when you're a shitartist. 
> 
> I have a bunch of dumb things to draw that I may never get around to, including body-sharing shenanigans bc Jake can't interact with most physical objects. This leads to stuff like Jake surprising Dirk with breakfast by hijacking him while he sleeps and carrying the tray of food back to bed for Dirk to wake up to. (Dirk doesn't know what to think, but at least Jake has enough culinary knowledge to not burn their place down.) 
> 
> They also play Mariokart, but they have to take turns via ghost races and are prone to accusing the other of cheating through slight hand movements and the likes.


End file.
